Full shutdown mode

I've composed posts a hundred times in my head for the past couple weeks. But as those who know me and love me anyways know, when shit hits the fan in life, I shut down. Mentally, emotionally, physically. I do the bare minimum in all things life related with the exception of caring for Lucas. I give him everything I have and if anything is left over, I toss it towards other areas of life. Example: his laundry is done, folded and our away. Me? I'm wearing Christmas pajamas. Yup.

Usually this only lasts a couple days to a week but apparently changing my entire life in a few short months was too much for my brain to handle. I went off the grid. I watched crappy TV. I ate too much and everyone who was at the wedding last weekend knows I drank too much.

I tried to turn it around and failed a few times.

There were milestones:

Celebrating 5 years with my job- and also celebrating friends who grab my cellphone and act like proud mamas and take countless pictures.

Our 5 year anniversary..... We have spent more than half my life together now. Wow.

But today.... Today was the day I turned it around. Because I remembered life is too damn short. 9 years ago we lost my stepdad. One minute he was driving my mom to work and the next minute I was calling 911 and administering CPR. 

Life can change in an INSTANT. 

And there's no use sweating over every small decision. We will make good decisions. We will make terrible ones. Life will move forward whether we are ready for it to or not. 

All we can do is trust God. Let go and let

God. That's my mantra for the next few months!