That ladies and gentlemen is my brace that I have to wear for 14 days... what it doesn't show you is the immense pain I've been in since I got my cortisone shot OR the guilt I am feeling because I cannot lift more than 5 pounds for 4 weeks. I'm not going to lie, I cried sitting in the doctor's office. I agonized over the decision to do something that would hopefully heal me sooner rather than later or to just live with the current pain and continue on with life. But after talking to my husband, we decided the best option would be to go with the shot and hopefully this fixes it rather than let it impact my life anymore.
But oh man, the mommy guilt I am enduring. I've definitely picked Lucas up more than I should. And I haven't figured out a way to put him to bed with just one arm... sorry Doctor. But I cannot sit there and listen to him cry while he cries for me. Can't do it. Mommy first.
And then there is the flip side of just personal guilt... because as soon as I got done with that appointment, instead of driving to Subway for lunch like I planned, I steered my SUV straight into the McDonald's drive through. And I continued to eat my way through my emotions through Sunday.
No, I don't have good coping skills.
But I am back to my positive self. I am back on track with my eating. I CAN work out, I just need to figure out a different way that doesn't use my arms.. it IS doable. I can do this.
But on the other hand, I have a peace with the whole 6 pack ab dilemma. If I cannot workout regularly, eat healthy balanced meals with the OCCASIONAL (this is where I need work) splurge, then I am not willing to do it. If you want some good, slap in the face truth, listen to the Cut the Fat Weight Loss and Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcasts. They have been so motivating and inspiring to me.
One of the main points I have taken is that we all have to pay a price to get the body of a fitness model. Each person has a different price. And if we aren't willing to pay that price, then stop having it as a goal. Which is exactly where my problem is... I'm not willing to pay that price. I'm not willing to cut sugar and treats and dressing on my vegetables. And if that means I'm always going to have my little baby belly, so be it. That's where I'm at in my life.
And it feels so good. To let go of that guilt when I eat a donut. And FYI, the Hostess Pumpkin Spice mini donuts are the most amazing thing ever.
Something else that struck with me in one of the podcasts is that they talked about how it's okay to feel sad and grieve about the life you are leaving. It's been a part of your life and it's been a good life. But you need to focus on the goals for WHY you are changing your life and the good things that are going to come out of that too. I think I needed a reminder of that.
So I am moving forward with my positive attitude again.. or at least trying. I'm sure I will have downfalls and tough moments
Edit: I wrote this on Monday but didn't get it posted but here's an update. I got a call yesterday that my church group got moved to Monday so I was able to go. My immediate reaction was to say no because I wanted to work out and not be temped by the unhealthy food those little old ladies serve... But then I remembered my new thinking and I went. And I enjoyed a piece of pumpkin pie. And I came home SO relaxed. I did my meal prep, I hung out with my husband and I had a great night. What a difference your thinking makes huh?
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