The first chapter was a hefty dose of reality about how we all have the same 168 hours in a week- it's how we USE them that makes the difference. One shocking statistic is that the average mom only spends about 15 minutes a day playing with their kid- what?!? A stay at home mom only averages 17-18 hours a week of play time. Remember an average means some were more and some were less but STILL! I'm not up for mom of the year but I get in more time than that making Lucas pose for selfies with me!
She gave an example of a woman who does it all and it definitely gave me a "you need to get your shit together" feeling. She also discussed changing language from "I don't have time" to "It's not a priority" with the example of saying she doesn't have time to sew her daughter's Halloween costume.... She has the time, she just doesn't want to spend the time to do so because it's not a priority. But if someone paid her $100,000 to do it, it would probably become a priority. I thought this was a good point! Made me think of making baby food- absolutely I could have done it but I said I didn't have time. Not true. I had time. I just thought buying baby food was a lot easier and since we could afford organic, it was probably the same nutrients as if I had made it. But it's all about the language of it. Food for thought and just done with chapter 1! At the end of each chapter, she has a little activity. Chapter 1 was to log your time for at least a week to see where it goes. I did a mental log since anything I do right now would change in 2 months and I definitely want to decrease time on TV and my phone after Lucas goes to bed and spend more of that time reading OR sleeping!
Chapter 2 focused on core competencies. The author encourages you to define the things you do best and that others cannot do nearly as well and devote your time to those things and to let go of the things that other people could do or do better. The core competency that is #1 in my life is being a good mom to Lucas. #2 that I need to work on is being a better Christian, wife, daughter and friend- I'm ok at it but I want to be better. And #3 is being a good school psychologist. I feel like since Lucas I have gotten better at outsourcing things to other people that I can so I will have to think if there is anything else I can do. She also encouraged the reader to make a list of 100 dreams, which can include big things you have already done like graduating college, getting married and having a baby. Definitely want to do this and will post it when I do. What's on YOUR list?
I'm going to lump the next chapters together as Part 2 of the book: @ Work. I'm not going to lie, it took me a long time to get through this part of the book. Lots of facts and since I am off for the summer, I really don't want to think about work. But I will share some highlights and things I will think about come the middle of August. Find the right job for you- love what you do and do what you love. If you aren't doing that, make a plan of how to get there and the steps you need to take can you create your dream job where you are at or do you need to change jobs? Find something that intrinsically motivates you and challenges you. If you think you are IN the right job, ask yourself if you would stay if you got a ton of money and didn't have to. Another section dealt with controlling your calendar- YOU determine when you do things. Don't mistake things that look like work for actual work (guilty!). Get rid of things that don't relate to your core competencies- ignore, minimize, or outsource them. And boost efficiency by getting better at what you do! And know what the next level looks like... And this is where my wheels started turning. Where do I want to go with my career? BIG question to tackle. But not during the summer :)
Part 3 deals with @ Home. My favorite part! The first chapter dealt with the changing home economics and how women just aren't doing the type of home activities that ladies in the 1950s did. Hello grocery store cupcakes. But despite this, we still aren't spending the time on our core competencies like spending time with our kids but we are wasting it on Facebook and watching TV- guilty guilty guilty! The author talks about blocking out time where you are solely focusing on your kids and what THEIR list of 100 dreams are and what activities are important to them. How do you do this? Don't do your own laundry she says. Outsource it. If you don't enjoy cooking, cleaning and doing the laundry- don't do it. Vanderkam talks about how you will make up this money elsewhere by putting the saved time into your job or because you are less stressed you will be better at your job. Or just do it because you have the money. I already outsource my cleaning and it's the one of best decision I ever made after having Lucas. I am not stressed about getting the house cleaned on the weekends and I'm not nagging at Mike to do it when he was off. Now to figure out how to outsource the cooking... I don't mind laundry.
The final chapters are about a full life and success stories of people who did their time log and made changes. The author gives the following suggestions:
- choose a small number of activities that bring you the most happiness- one of these must be exercise!
- create blocks in your schedule for these activities
- commit enough time, energy and resources to make them meaningful
- use the principal of alignment to build in more time with family and friends, or for leisure in general (by alignment she means play date at park with a friend, exercise with kids, watch a movie as a date night)
- use bits of time for bits of joy- make a list of activities you can do when you find yourself with an extra 10 or 30 minutes
So obviously in the summer my schedule looks very different but here is what a typical schedule will look like for me come fall:
6-7 Get up and get myself and Lucas ready
7-7:30 commute
7:30-4:00 work (I could leave at 3:30 but with meetings usually end up at work until 4 so I wanted to give myself a realistic view)
Note: over my lunch I am going to check social media and blog so that I don't spend time doing this at home
4:00-4:30 commute home and pick up Lucas
4:30-8:30 Family time- supper, play with Lucas, put him to bed
8:30-9:30 Work out/shower
9:30-10:00 get ready for bed, read if extra time
Now the biggest thing I need to cut is watching TV which will be difficult bc I love my shows but Vandenkamp gave a lot of arguments for choosing reading as a leisure activity. This doesn't mean I won't watch on weekends when Lucas is napping or if I have extra time, but I do need to narrow down the shows I watch to about 7 or less.... I see you rolling your eyes as you read this Mike... I can do it. I will do it. And yes, I did read the part about finding time every week to spend with your significant other and will work in that too...
Overall a very thought provoking read once I got past the stats :)
What are you doing with your 168 hours? Where do you need to spend more time? Less? I challenge you to make one change in the next week so you are spending more time on your core competencies... Or just figure out what those are! I'm going to make a Post- it of nine and put it in my office!
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